求大神把下面的几段话翻译成英语 ，不用直译意译也可以，不要机器翻的不会准，谢谢～！！

求下面几句话翻译成英语,不必完全直译,翻的幽默一点~

I choose to make a speech at school for third weeks, the thought that can get the seven day National Day holiday sufficient time to prepare. In fact, today is the last day before the holiday, and I stand here speaking. This means I know how shallow the academic calendar.
祝身体健康 万事都顺利！ 呵呵

我选择在校历第三周做演讲,本以为可以获得国庆七天假的充足时间去准备.事实上,今天是假期前的最后一天,而我站在这里演讲.这说明我对校历的了解多么肤浅.

以不断创新的产品、可靠的质量、优质有效的服务，满足客户的需要。质量是我们的生命。
Fulfill the clients' demand with continuous product of innovation, reliable quality, excellent service

我们以客户满意度作为衡量一切工作的准绳。
We regard the satisfaction of the clients as the first and unique criteira for all.

我们建立了完善的服务体系，向客户提供专业化和标准化的服务。客户的利益所在，就是我们生存与发展的最根本的利益所在。
We have perfect service system which could provide our clients with professional and standard service. Where exists the benefit of our clients, there will be the basic benefits of our own to be alive and developing.

I am a big two student, school in Nantong shipping school, shipping school is a beautiful, large schools, there are a lot of students. My school professional many, the most famous is the maritime professional. My major is Japanese, to be honest, I think the school specialized in Japanese is not good, few hours, classes are not interesting, but I like this profession. My school is plenty of trees, big lake, looking down from the teaching building, a park school is like, I think the school environment is all one of the best in the University of Nantong. In addition to the beautiful environment, the library is also good, quiet, warm, a lot of books. However, there are also a lot of this school and I don't like, live in the dormitory is uncomfortable, no air conditioning, the winter cold, summer heat, no water heater, can not take a bath, can not use the hair dryer, Internet speed is very slow. Water is not easy, because the hot water on the floor, and I live on the five floor. Big one time, every day 5:30 get up exercise, very tired, that class is very sleepy, even at night the night, when the night is
绝对准

翻译的第一句就有问题，肯定是机译的

我来

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